THE WAGES OF SIN

In the course of some inter-desk shenanigans this afternoon, my boss tried to tempt me and Sarah the summer student into eating some BBQ Beef Hula Hoops he'd lifted from our physicist's desk drawer.

"Come on, share the guilt," he beguiled us.

"I wouldn't eat your stolen beef Hula Hoops even if I could!" I declared grandly.

"Can you eat them, though?" someone else asked. I set out to find a definitive answer, committed as ever to the twin causes of Truth and filling up the five minutes between collecting samples.

A moment's googling brought me to the United Biscuits customer care webpage, where they helpfully offer no less than 15 lists of products suitable for various special diets. A note at the top of the list states, "Valid only for the month of July 2009," so they are presumably updated once a month.

This month, vegans like me are allowed the following:

HULA HOOPS
Original
Salt & Vinegar Flavour
Smoky Bacon Flavour

I doubt that any of my readers who eat bacon actually thought there was any in their crisps, so this would be fine, except that Muslim customers are offered this selection, all "vegetarian and alcohol free":

HULA HOOPS
Original
Salt & Vinegar Flavour
Cheese & Onion Flavour
Roast Chicken Flavour

The Cheese & Onion and Roast Chicken flavours probably contain whey powder, so that's why they're on this list and not the vegan one, but where have the Bacon hoops gone? I guessed that they were left off because Muslims might not want even fake pig flavour in their crisps - but, no, Bacon Flavour Discos, Skips and Wheat Crunchies are all okay.

Does this mean Smokey Bacon Hula Hoops contain alcohol? I would buy a packet and see if I get tipsy, but unfortunately I am opposed to fake pig flavouring on grounds of taste.

I avoided the wages of sin (they are beef-flavour savoury snacks) but gained a new mystery.